What was marriage like in medieval Europe?

Marriages among the nobility in medieval Europe were very different from those of commoners. 

Unlike peasant unions, noble marriages were usually strategic tools used to build political power, gain land and protect wealth. 

As a result, elite families typically arranged marriages to form alliances with other powerful families. 

This meant that love or personal preference rarely influenced these decisions. 

For example, the marriage of Henry II of England and Eleanor of Aquitaine in 1152 created one of the largest regions in Europe, which brought large areas of land under one rule. 

These unions were essential for growing influence since controlling land gave families power. 

Arranged marriages also allowed families to strengthen their political positions. 

The couple's happiness was often secondary to the benefits the marriage would bring to both families. 

This can be seen clearly in the union of Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabella of Castile, who united Spain under a single crown. 

In contrast, marriages among peasants were simpler and based on more practical needs. 

Commoners, such as serfs, typically married within their local communities, and their unions were mainly about survival. 

Both husband and wife could share the labor required to maintain a household. 

Peasant families might still seek economic stability through marriage, but their unions lacked the political stakes that drove noble marriages. 

When a couple was intending to marry, they would enter into an agreement called a ‘betrothal’. 

This was a formal declaration that was usually negotiated by their families. This involved a binding contract. 

As part of the agreement, the groom's family typically provided a payment or deposit to the bride’s family, which was meant to demonstrate his commitment to the union. 

This exchange also helped ensure that the bride’s family would be compensated in case the betrothal did not result in marriage. 

The payment was known as a ‘bride price’. 

In other parts of Europe, dowries were typically more common and promised at the time of betrothal by the bride's family to her husband-to-be. 

Interestingly, betrothals could even take place long before the couple reached the marriageable age. 

This meant that young children were often pledged to each other years before the marriage was expected to occur. 

The agreement was treated with great seriousness, and once the betrothal was made, the couple was considered legally bound to each other. 

Rings were often exchanged during this ceremony. 

While betrothals could be ended by mutual consent, the process of breaking one by themselves was more complicated. 

If one party chose to end the agreement without the other’s consent, they could face financial or social repercussions. 

Because of these potential consequences, families typically thought carefully before arranging or breaking a betrothal. 

This binding nature made betrothal a key step in the marriage process. 

In medieval Europe, the Church emphasized mutual consent as a vital part of marriage, but the reality often depended on social class. 

Although the Church required both parties to agree for a marriage to be valid, this rule was often ignored. 

Despite the Church's insistence on verbal consent from both the bride and groom, many young individuals, particularly women, were pressured into marriages arranged by their families. 

The age of consent varied according to local customs, but the Church generally set it at 12 for girls and 14 for boys, which meant child marriages were common, especially among the nobility. 

Margaret Beaufort, for example, mother of Henry VII of England, married at just 12 years old. 

While such deals were arranged well before the individuals reached these ages, the marriage was not consummated until later. 

In some cases, girls as young as 7 were betrothed to older men. Aware that this system was open to abuse, the Church tried to control these practices, but child marriages continued into later centuries. 

Among the peasantry, most women married in their late teens or early twenties. 

The Church controlled the definition and regulation of marriage across Europe at this time through a system of Church laws. 

By the 12th century, the Church held that marriage was something called a ‘sacrament’, which meant that it was both a sacred and legally binding union. 

This gave the Church power to decide who could marry and how marriages were conducted. 

As a result, couples needed the Church’s approval, and marriages without its blessing were often considered invalid. 

Clergy required the publication of banns, which were public announcements made in church to ensure that there were no legal or religious obstacles to the marriage. 

While the Church held authority over the sacramental aspect of marriage, local lords and secular rulers often had a say in matters involving inheritance and the forging of political alliances over land. 

This included dowries and bride prices, which were payments made by the bride’s family to the groom or vice versa. 

So, while the Church controlled much of the rituals, the secular authorities ultimately determined many practical aspects of marriage. 

When the day of the wedding arrived, the ceremony typically took place outside a church, led by a priest or bishop. 

The bride was expected to stand to the left of the groom, and vows were exchanged along with rings placed on the fourth finger, although giving of rings only became standard practice from the 13th century onwards. 

This was often followed by a Mass in the church. 

This was done to ensure that the marriage was valid both in the eyes of the Church and society. 

After the formal ceremony, there was usually a feast, which could become quite a lively event and last several days. 

The feast included music and dancing alongside lavish feasting, and provided a public display of the union for the rest of the community. 

It also allowed the families to showcase their wealth and influence. Most of all, these communal celebrations showed that marriage was a social event shared by both the couple and the broader community. 

Once married, women were responsible for managing the household, caring for children, and overseeing the daily operation of the estate, especially in noble families. 

Their duties included supervising servants, producing clothing, and managing food supplies. 

A woman's primary obligation as a wife was bearing children, particularly sons. 

While noblewomen like Eleanor of Aquitaine, who was both queen and political figure, had influence over an entire kingdom, this was rare. 

Most women’s roles in marriage involved obedience to their husbands. 

Men, in contrast, were expected to provide for and protect their families. They held authority over the household and made decisions about property and finances. 

In noble families, men managed estates, participated in warfare, and expanded their land. 

Unlike today, husbands had the legal right to control their wives' actions and movements. 

A wife's legal rights, particularly regarding property, were limited, as most assets belonged to her husband. 

However, she received some protection under canon law, which prohibited a husband from mistreating his wife without cause. 

Since the Church considered marriage a sacrament that mirrored the eternal union between Christ and the Church, it strictly opposed divorce in medieval Europe, making marriage permanent once validly contracted. 

Therefore, once a couple exchanged vows and the marriage was consummated, the Church considered the union permanent. 

Divorce, in the modern sense of a legal separation allowing remarriage, did not exist within the Church’s teachings. 

Couples who wanted to end their marriages had to pursue other options, such as annulment. 

Annulments were the Church’s way of declaring that a valid marriage had never existed in the first place, and they were granted on specific grounds outlined in canon law. 

Most annulments were declared due to consanguinity, meaning the couple was too closely related by blood. 

Other valid grounds included bigamy, prior religious vows, physical incapacity to consummate the union, fraud, coercion, or lack of free consent at the time of marriage. 

Unfortunately, the annulment process was difficult and often involved petitions to the local bishop or even the pope, especially in cases that involved high-ranking nobles. 

For example, King Louis VII of France requested and was granted an annulment from Eleanor of Aquitaine on the grounds of consanguinity. 

The Church’s careful control over annulments meant that these cases were rare, and the process was lengthy and expensive. 

Although divorce was forbidden, separation was allowed under certain circumstances. 

If a husband or wife committed adultery or had suffered cruelty, the couple could be separated; they could live apart, but neither was permitted to remarry. 

The separation was sometimes referred to as a ‘divorce from bed and board’, which was a legal term in canon law. 

Although such separations provided some relief in troubled marriages, they did not dissolve the bond of marriage, which remained until the death of one spouse. 

The Church's strict approach to marriage ensured that couples had few options if their union became difficult. 

Although expectations of marital fidelity were strict in medieval Europe, the consequences for adultery differed significantly between men and women. 

Wives were expected to remain completely faithful to their husbands, as a woman's infidelity was considered a grave offense. 

Adultery by women threatened the legitimacy of offspring, which was essential for inheritance and the preservation of family lineage; as a result, women faced harsh social and legal punishments if found guilty. 

In some regions, a woman convicted of adultery could be publicly humiliated, physically punished, or even sent to a convent. 

While women faced severe penalties, men were often held to a different standard. 

They generally faced fewer social consequences for infidelity due to broader medieval attitudes toward gender roles and property rights, even though the Church condemned adultery by both sexes. 

Since adultery was considered a serious sin, the Church intervened in such cases to maintain moral order within Christian marriages and imposed spiritual penalties on offenders. 

A man or woman found guilty of adultery could be excommunicated, which was a severe punishment that cut them off from the sacraments and the Christian community. 

As such, confession and penance were often required to restore their standing within the Church. 

This could include public acts of contrition such as fasting or pilgrimages. The Church’s authority over moral conduct meant that even nobles who wielded great power in society could face public penance for their sins. 

For instance, Queen Joan of Navarre was accused of adultery and had to undergo a formal trial to clear her name. 

While the Church had limited ability to enforce secular punishments, its moral influence was vast and shaped general social attitudes toward fidelity. 

Because marriages in medieval Europe were primarily arranged for political purposes and to meet economic needs or social expectations, the concept of romantic love often had little to do with marriage. 

So, personal feelings were rarely considered. Affection between spouses was not entirely absent, but love, if it existed at all, was often expected to develop over time after the wedding. 

However, courtly love introduced a different perspective on relationships and influenced ideas about love, even though it did not fundamentally alter the institution of marriage. 

It originated in medieval French courts and was popularized by poets and troubadours. 

Courtly love celebrated passionate and often unattainable love between a knight and a noblewoman, who was typically married to another man. 

Such secret and chaste love became a literary and cultural ideal. Courtly love emphasized emotional devotion, admiration from afar, and noble service to the beloved. 

The influence of courtly love extended into the expectations of noble behavior; as a result, knights were encouraged to act with honor and reverence toward the women they admired. 

However, because it existed mostly in the realm of poetry and literature, courtly love remained separate from the practical realities of marriage.